How to get better at planning for chaos – you don’t, really.

As a busy freelance writer with three children, I really do try to plan my time wisely. I stay on top of deadlines and projects. I’ve bought the wall calendars and planners. My phone is constantly buzzing with Google Calendar reminders, alarms, tasks to do. I secure the childcare, lay out my week, light a little candle for good luck. But it doesn’t matter; chaos doesn’t care. Planning for chaos is a hitch in my writing routine that I just can’t seem to master. 

So, I’m stopping. 

What is chaos anyway? 

If you’re a mom, you know. If you’re a mom writer, you really know. 

Chaos is when you wake up to an unpredicted foot of snow (or more) that cancels daycare and school on your full-time planned workday. It’s the moment when you’re about to walk out the door with your kids to the bus stop, and one of them pukes all over your rug. Or when you go to the doctor to diagnose the average cold, only to discover you have COVID, and now you (and the family) have to quarantine. 

Chaos is that moment when all the kids are gone, the sun is shining, you feel healthy, everyone is happy—and then your computer crashes 5 minutes into your day, and the dog decides to scarf down an entire box of tissues with lotion requiring a visit to the vet.  

Chaos is the phone call everyone dreads. When someone is sick or ill or in an accident. When someone you know has suddenly passed. 

Chaos is the overall unexpected. The stuff you can’t even remotely try to plan for. It’s like someone taking your scheduled tasks and turning them into puzzle pieces. Then scattering the pieces everywhere, and adding new pieces that don’t even fit. But you still, somehow, have to put them back together. 

Sure, you could have a backup plan for every possible hitch. But let’s be honest; there will always be something unexpected that you never thought to plan for. 

So what now? Do you just give up? I didn’t, and neither do you.

Do what’s important to you

There’s nothing like a good day of chaos to make you realize what is truly important to you. We’ve talked about this before, doing the things that recharge you. This is the time to implement them. If you’re focusing on the things you already love, chaos can feel a little less heavy. 

When you’re setting up your days ahead, schedule the things that are most important to you first. Let me say this part again: the things most important to you. I used to plan my schedule where my tasks for others came first, and mine were at the end. But every time chaos hit, my tasks—the things that filled my cup—were always the first to go. Flip it, switch it up, but don’t leave yourself for last. 

Have self-compassion 

Kicking yourself for not planning better? For not starting that project the night before, or leaving the kitchen a mess? Stop. It’s not going to make chaos more bearable. 

The I should haves can quickly bury you in a mom guilt pit. Have compassion for yourself. 

We are human. We make mistakes. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last two years, it’s that stability is never a guarantee. Generally, we are able to have compassion for others when they fall short or face adversity. Redirect your compassion to yourself. You deserve it. 

Use your creative powers

Moms Who Write are creatives, and creativity in the eye of chaos is one of the most powerful tools in your belt. Use your creative abilities to make the most of what is left of your day after chaos takes it all to hell.  

Jot down some story ideas inspired by true events. Turn your horrific day into a comedy, a poem, a tragedy, a new character. Most of the narratives we share on our website are inspired by overall crap days. Make the most out of chaos. It’s what we do, and it’s what we’re good at.

Share your story

If you’re reading this and you think, “That’s me!”  then you already know you’re not alone. One of the most rewarding parts of this community is that we face so many of the same challenges. We have all found ourselves in the midst of chaos involving children, families, schools, daycares, writing problems, creative blocks. And we’ve all battled our way back out. 

No matter how small or silly it seems, I share my chaos with my writing group. It helps to know that I have a support team behind me, even if they can’t control my chaos. They show up with kind words, funny memes, daily check-ins, and reminders to eat, drink, and sleep. They’ve gotten me through some difficult times, and I’m honored to be there for them when they need it. 

Acceptance 

You don’t need to get better at controlling chaos or planning for the worst. Just accept it. Chaos will hit you in the face like a bag of bricks every once in a while. It’s going to happen when you least expect it.

But don’t let chaos defeat you. Don’t let it be the excuse for why you can’t write or why you should get a different job or why you’re just not good enough. Let the chaos make you stronger, wiser, and resilient. Stop planning for chaos. Embrace it. 

We want to hear your story.

We are always looking for more personal narratives and writing journeys to share with our community. Imposter syndrome affects all of us in the creative community. The more we share our successes, our failures, our challenges, the more support we can build to help overcome this beast when it hits.

Everyone has a unique story, and we want to hear yours. Find our blog submission form here to share.

About the Writer: Shell Sherwood is a poet, fiction writer, freelancer, and creator of silly children’s stories who could live on coffee, pastries, and romantic tragedies. She lives in Hudson Valley, NY, with her three boys and aspires to own a small writing getaway in every climate. Shell is currently working on her debut poetry collection. Learn more about Shell and follow her writing journey via her author blog, Instagram, and TikTok.